Thursday, March 31, 2011

#41: Needing something different




 I rearranged my room. It was time. I know that it had only been set up like this for about a month or two,  but it was time for something new, something different.
I always get like this. I have this deep and overwhelming desire for something to change, and it takes everything I've got to push it back down in me. My first impulsive desire is to move. To just try something completely different- pack up, move away, find everything new. But these are unrealistic desires. That will never happen. So I must find change and newness in more subtle ways. I dye my hair, I start a new project, I join a new ministry or invest my time in something different. Or, I rearrange the house.
Last month I got a new job. Last week I dyed my hair. Today I rearranged the house. Change. I need it. I fear that if I don't do silly things, like rearranging the furniture (however small and insignificant it might seem), I will lose all contentment.
I don't understand why I function like this. I don't get why I can't just be. Why can't I be like other people and be satisfied with routine? Why does routine drive me so crazy?!
I haven't figured out the reasons yet, but I have figured out how to maintain my contentment to a certain degree. And that is by rearranging my room!


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