Laughter is the Best Medicine

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Since being here, I've learned how true it is that laughter is the best medicine. Because without laughter, I think lives would fall apart. I think people would be so overcome by the grief in their lives and the lives they see all around them that they would literally just fall apart.
The staff and the residents have also learned this lesson. I think that sometimes we frighten visitors that come in because we seem to always be laughing and cracking jokes- where most people think that it is out of place and we should be a little bit more serious and a little bit more somber at a homeless shelter. But the truth of the matter is- half the time we have to laugh to keep from crying. The amount of pain and heartache and brokenness that come through these doors is almost unbearable at times. And I think that God has given us laughter to begin the healing process.
As I mentioned a while ago, I get to do case management with two of the ladies that live here. Basically I just meet one-on-one with them each week, check up on how they are doing and help them out if they are in need of anything. What I didn't mention is that one of the ladies suffers from Schizophrenia. Her story is sad and terrible- the life she has endured seems to come straight out of a horror story. The sheer amount of torture, abuse and betrayal that she has gone through has damaged her mind so badly that she is a grown woman with the mindset of a 6 year old- a very paranoid woman that is in desperate need of help.
I love this lady. I think she may be the funniest person I have ever met. I enjoy spending time with her, getting to know her and laughing uncontrollably with her (like when she had her shirt on inside out at the doctors office and we desperately scrambled to get it the right way before the doctor opened the door. We were almost rolling on the floor in laughter). But I also stress over her- she has a serious condition and it is evident in the way she behaves and thinks sometimes. She's certain people are after her- that's why she won't allow anyone to take her picture. She believes that different things are wrong with her (for example, she has bugs in her eyes) and doesn't believe anyone (including doctors) that there is nothing there. She sees and talks to this particular man- who the staff have come to understand is Satan. According to her, this man loves her. But he also (from what I've gathered) wants to harm others in her life. Getting the details from her are a little vague- it's hard to understand most of the time.
She has been to the Mission about 3 or 4 times now- the staff that have been here are very familiar with her. She stays for awhile- saves up her money- and then gets paranoid that the staff are stealing her money. Then she gets all heated up, demands to get the money that is in savings and leaves. Sadly she usually winds up in the hands of someone who is simply using her for the money that she has saved- another abusive relationship, another round of torment. After awhile she makes her way back here again, usually having been off her meds for quite awhile. It's a sad cycle that she just can't seem to break free of.

But this is the lady I work with. And since meeting her, I just have so many questions. Questions for God- because I have no idea why all of this has happened. I just don't understand why or how she can be so tormented by Satan (who she can see and talk to) when she believes in God and Jesus.

It's hard facing the realities of life- realities that pose questions that sometimes you just shrug your shoulders and say "I have no idea." The reality of coming face to face with a situation that is so far out of your league- "they didn't teach me that in Bible College". It's a challenge, but it's also a growing experience. I'm just still trying to figure out how I'm growing from this situation.

A Lesson Learned

A Lesson Learned

Learning lessons is rather difficult. At least it is for me. I thought for sure that I wasn't learning anything here- that I was just completing hours for my internship and that there was no other point. Half the time I feel useless here and wonder what the heck I'm even here for. Sometimes I wonder why I ever even left Kenya- I want so badly to just go back.
But here I am. And it's here that I know God is trying to teach me something. But sometimes I just focus so much on my frustrations and my iniquities that I fail to see the bigger picture.
I cry out to God, wondering what my purpose is and where I fit in all of this. Do I even fit?

And my answer came in a surprising way- well, surprising for me anyway. For my internship here I have to do this Beth Moore bible study. It's the "Breaking Free" one. I must admit that I was less than thrilled to be doing it. I was frustrated that I even had to. But nonetheless, I did it (am doing it). And I am learning a great deal about finding peace and contentment. I don't know what it is, but I just have no contentment in what I'm doing. I want to do more meaningful things, I want to do something that I feel matters. And I suppose that's where my problem lies. It's not about me and it's not about what I'm doing or what I'm not doing. At least it shouldn't be. And I shouldn't make it be about me.
God promises to give us his peace in all things and in all circumstances (2 Thes. 3:16) - and that includes being on an internship where I feel less than useful at times. God desires for us to have peace, no matter what our circumstances. But I must believe it, I must be willing to get down on my knees and cry out to him, and I must be willing to receive it.

I have to stop feeling sorry for myself- stop wishing that I were in Africa. Because the painful truth is that I would probably feel the same way no matter where I was. Mission trips, internships, jobs, whatever... it's not about me and what I can accomplish. It's about God and what he can accomplish through me and through other willing people. I need to find joy in the tasks that I do, no matter what they are. It's a struggle, but I am learning to find peace and joy where I am right now. Please pray with me about this. It's not an easy struggle- and I must admit that I keep failing at it.
If anyone has any suggestions that might be helpful, by all means, send them my way.

Also... I'll be sending an update via snail mail. But it's nothing new compared to what I've been writing on here. It's just an update letting those that don't have internet know that I am back. Yes... a little late in coming, seeing as I've been back since the end of January, but at least I'm sending it out.

That's all for now.

I'm Allergic to Springfield

I'm Allergic to Springfield

Okay, so I only made that my title because Jessica’s title was “I’m Allergic to Thailand” and I kinda wanted to be like her. Go here- http://j-reeves.blogspot.com/ -to check it out

I’m not actually allergic to Springfield. But I think that I may be allergic to the cat that my roommate got.

About my internship:

I think it’s strange that it’s already March and I’ve been here for over a month. Sometimes it still feels like I just got back from Africa not that long ago. I still think about it all the time and wonder how everyone is doing. I still pray for the mothers and children that we visited- praying that God will bless them and continue to provide for the many needs that they have. And I still pray about the people that work in the different Centers- that God will strengthen them and give them the ability to continue to working with these people that are so very poor. It’s so taxing emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, mentally and even physically.

But I’ve been here for many weeks now and I’ve really gotten to know the people I work with everyday. Their life stories are some of the craziest I have ever heard- so unreal at times. Many of the people living here have had such a hard life- circumstance after circumstance with no seemingly no relief in sight. But then they found themselves here. I’ve heard some of the residents talk about this place as a Safe House. One of them said to me “I’m not homeless and I’m not living in a homeless shelter. This is a safe house and these people are my family.”

It’s so neat to see these many different families living together under one roof, and not simply tolerating one another, but growing to genuinely love one another. Obviously with so many people living under one roof there are bound to be fights and quarrels. But it’s so cool to see how the residents fight and quarrel like siblings- but also love and respect each other like siblings. This place is a home. And these people are family.

Some pics from the Mission:

Me and Madison

Some of the kids making a mess... I mean making cookies

Church at the Mission

The whole gang (residents and one of the groups that came for the weekend)

Some personal stuff:

Sometimes I feel like I really don’t do anything, and I’m really struggling with trying to find my niche. In all honesty (and that’s what this blog is supposed to be about) I sometimes wish I were back in Kenya. I just felt like I was getting something accomplished- I felt a little more useful. I was learning a great deal, like the language and the culture and different aspects of doing ministry in the Mathare Slums. I was learning about the operations of the different departments within the organization, like CHE, Health (HIV/AIDS), Social Work, Teaching, Business, etc. Everything was so different and new and I felt like I was just learning so much every day. But here… well, it’s home. And while it may be easier in that aspect because everything is so familiar, it is harder because I just feel so useless at times. Like being here doesn’t mean anything except for getting my internship hours so I can graduate. But there has to be something more than that… right?