Well, I've realized one very important fact about myself. I don't do well with commitment.
Okay, now before you start commenting on my marriage, and that I should have figured this one out before I tied the knot...let me just explain.
My commitment issues have nothing to do with my relationship with my husband. The commitment I'm talking about is mostly related to jobs and other tasks or goals that I set for myself. Here's the deal with the job situation:
I have a hard time committing to a job because it stifles my spontaneity and my freedom (or so it seems to me). If I could find a job that allowed me to make my own hours and do my own thing...well shoot, I'd be the happiest person in the world. But that's not realistic. I just always feel so tied down and immobile with a job, especially a full time job. And can I just be honest here? It actually depresses me. Makes me feel trapped and isolated. I'm sure most people feel the same way though.
I also have a hard time committing to my own goals. Maybe I just lack discipline and ambition. I'm not quite sure. But...as you've probably noticed, I kind of just stopped posting pictures for my picture blog. And after a few weeks of no pictures, I just told myself "It's almost been a year anyway". Wow! Lazy much?
The truth is, it's been really difficult for me to be productive with anything lately. Since we are short 2 managers now, I am working full time (please refer to my previous statement about work). It's taking it's toll on my body. My giant body. Carrying a child does NOT make things easier.
So, I have not been taking pictures, I have not been reading a book a month, and I really haven't been doing much of anything except working, sleeping and eating. It's all gotten quite pathetic.
But there is good news to this sad miserable story. Hubs informed me that I could put in my 2 weeks (maybe he saw how miserable of person I was becoming. Or...maybe he was just tired of having to make his own meals all the time), and be a stay-at-home mom-to-be.
And so, as of February 4th, I will be just that!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
The Rush of the New Year
Wow. Is it really 2012 already? It seems odd to me that it is January, when I really don't remember what happened to November and December. Where did the days go? Everything seems to be hurrying past me lately, and I feel like I barely have time to sit down and just breath (which, incidentally is becoming harder and harder to do).
Lately I have been working full time. Which is not something that I signed up for. Especially at a job I just cannot stand. Retail. The word makes me cringe. The actual job makes my whole body shudder. I do not like retail. It's a miracle that I have survived that place this long. Next month will mark my one year anniversary at that place. And really, the thought just makes me roll my eyes.
Oh maternity leave, how I desire you!
Less talk of work, more talk of....other things.
A recap of 2011, if you will:
I began 2011 feeling lost and hopeless. For several long months after the miscarriage I was just in survival mode. It was difficult to experience true joy, and all I really wanted was to lay down and cry. And most days that's what I did. It was a difficult beginning to the year, and I could not imagine in getting any better.
In March we were asked to consider joining Pioneer Bible Translators, and it was something that we didn't take lightly. We prayed about the possibilities, and dreamed about what was to come. In June we attended Pioneer Mission Institute and learned an overwhelming amount of information about PBT. But more than that, our hearts were even more broken for the nations, and it was our desire to go where God was sending us and to do what He was calling us to do.
After much prayer and talking it over with several people, we started the application process. It was a much longer process than we had anticipated, mostly because of my own hesitation and fears. But before the year's end we finally completed everything.
In June we also moved out of our moldy apartment, and back to that tiny studio in Lincoln. The one that had once accommodated me, my 2 friends and our giant dog. It wasn't a move that I was particularly joyful over, but it did have it's perks. For one, we lived right next door to our good friends. Of course, they moved far far away shortly after we got there, and then we were stuck in Lincoln with no friends or family nearby. Dreadful, I tell you. Just dreadful. But we muddled through. Actually, it wasn't that bad.
In August I went on this amazing trip to Colorado with 2 of my very best friends. Had to have been one of the best and memorable trip of my life! It was a week full of belly laughs and adventures. It was a glorious trip, and I hope that one day we will get to do something like that again.
Roughly 2 weeks after I got back, I found out I was pregnant!! (I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder...wink wink). I still get teary eyed when I think of that moment I saw the positive pregnancy test. Okay, teary eyed isn't the right phrase. I still cry and my whole being is overwhelmed with great emotion. I literally sobbed when I saw it was positive. I was overjoyed and in shock. And over the next few months, Heavens thrones were filled with my constant prayers about that tiny baby growing inside of me.
In October we went to India, and that trip transformed my life. It was a very difficult trip, mainly because we came face to face with persecuted Christians and it was challenging to see their immense and beautiful faith. We know nothing of persecution and hardship. And for the first time ever, I knew that the calling on my life is a call to come and die. I'm not trying to be dramatic here, but the truth is that the Lord is calling us to take up our cross and follow Him. And it isn't a flippant call to say you're a Christian and do good things. It's a call to step out your comfort zone, to abandon your own desires and plans, and to pick up His cross and do whatever it is He wants you to do. It was a life altering trip. I knew that I had to put aside my fears, and jump in with both feet. So when we got home, we finished up the rest of the stuff for PBT and sent everything in.
In December we found out 2 great things: First, we are having a little girl. And the name that I had picked out for her for many many years, just didn't seem right when it came right down to it. So, we are having a girl, but we are not sure what we will name her. Yet.
And second, we became PBT recruits!
And so, the year ended in quite a different way than it had begun.
Mourning the loss of a baby to rejoicing the good news of a baby girl.
And being asked to consider joining PBT to being missionary recruits!
Thinking and talking about what transpired in 2011 makes me cry. What a wonderful God we serve! I could not see how this story was going to progress, but it ended up being a redemption story! Thank you Father for taking care of my life and leading it the way you lead it.
What a year!
Lately I have been working full time. Which is not something that I signed up for. Especially at a job I just cannot stand. Retail. The word makes me cringe. The actual job makes my whole body shudder. I do not like retail. It's a miracle that I have survived that place this long. Next month will mark my one year anniversary at that place. And really, the thought just makes me roll my eyes.
Oh maternity leave, how I desire you!
Less talk of work, more talk of....other things.
A recap of 2011, if you will:
I began 2011 feeling lost and hopeless. For several long months after the miscarriage I was just in survival mode. It was difficult to experience true joy, and all I really wanted was to lay down and cry. And most days that's what I did. It was a difficult beginning to the year, and I could not imagine in getting any better.
In March we were asked to consider joining Pioneer Bible Translators, and it was something that we didn't take lightly. We prayed about the possibilities, and dreamed about what was to come. In June we attended Pioneer Mission Institute and learned an overwhelming amount of information about PBT. But more than that, our hearts were even more broken for the nations, and it was our desire to go where God was sending us and to do what He was calling us to do.
After much prayer and talking it over with several people, we started the application process. It was a much longer process than we had anticipated, mostly because of my own hesitation and fears. But before the year's end we finally completed everything.
In June we also moved out of our moldy apartment, and back to that tiny studio in Lincoln. The one that had once accommodated me, my 2 friends and our giant dog. It wasn't a move that I was particularly joyful over, but it did have it's perks. For one, we lived right next door to our good friends. Of course, they moved far far away shortly after we got there, and then we were stuck in Lincoln with no friends or family nearby. Dreadful, I tell you. Just dreadful. But we muddled through. Actually, it wasn't that bad.
In August I went on this amazing trip to Colorado with 2 of my very best friends. Had to have been one of the best and memorable trip of my life! It was a week full of belly laughs and adventures. It was a glorious trip, and I hope that one day we will get to do something like that again.
Roughly 2 weeks after I got back, I found out I was pregnant!! (I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder...wink wink). I still get teary eyed when I think of that moment I saw the positive pregnancy test. Okay, teary eyed isn't the right phrase. I still cry and my whole being is overwhelmed with great emotion. I literally sobbed when I saw it was positive. I was overjoyed and in shock. And over the next few months, Heavens thrones were filled with my constant prayers about that tiny baby growing inside of me.
In October we went to India, and that trip transformed my life. It was a very difficult trip, mainly because we came face to face with persecuted Christians and it was challenging to see their immense and beautiful faith. We know nothing of persecution and hardship. And for the first time ever, I knew that the calling on my life is a call to come and die. I'm not trying to be dramatic here, but the truth is that the Lord is calling us to take up our cross and follow Him. And it isn't a flippant call to say you're a Christian and do good things. It's a call to step out your comfort zone, to abandon your own desires and plans, and to pick up His cross and do whatever it is He wants you to do. It was a life altering trip. I knew that I had to put aside my fears, and jump in with both feet. So when we got home, we finished up the rest of the stuff for PBT and sent everything in.
In December we found out 2 great things: First, we are having a little girl. And the name that I had picked out for her for many many years, just didn't seem right when it came right down to it. So, we are having a girl, but we are not sure what we will name her. Yet.
And second, we became PBT recruits!
And so, the year ended in quite a different way than it had begun.
Mourning the loss of a baby to rejoicing the good news of a baby girl.
And being asked to consider joining PBT to being missionary recruits!
Thinking and talking about what transpired in 2011 makes me cry. What a wonderful God we serve! I could not see how this story was going to progress, but it ended up being a redemption story! Thank you Father for taking care of my life and leading it the way you lead it.
What a year!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)