In a rut

Lately I've just been feeling so blah. I don't even know how to describe it. "Blah" is the only thing that I could come up with. I just feel like I'm not doing anything with my life, nothing that really matters or means anything. Nothing that I even want to do.

I'm working at an assisted living facility in Bloomington. It's not a bad job, and it pays pretty decent. But that's not at all what I want to do. I haven't gotten the job at Contact Ministries yet. The position was through AmeriCorp and they wanted me to work full time. But since I already work nights in Bloomington, that just wouldn't be possible. But I guess they are trying to figure out a way that I can work part time. I don't know... I was confused by what was going on and all the emails back and forth. Communication between me, AmeriCorp and Contact hasn't been one of our strong points. So we'll see what happens.

I feel like I am just stuck in some kind of rut. I'm not at all looking forward to this summer. I will just be working two jobs and living in Lincoln. This may come as a surprise to some people, but Lincoln isn't all that exciting. I wish I had the money to go on a Mission trip. I'd love to go back to Kenya or Peru. Or wherever. Any place but here.

I suppose I'll just have to make the best of the situation I'm in. I am working and making money. So maybe I'll be able to save up enough to go on a Mission trip in several months. In the meantime... who knows what.

Well what now?

Friday was officially the last day of my internship! I am completely done with everything. Graduation is the next step!

My last few days there were pretty fun. Mostly because I hung out with Bonnie a lot. She is the lady that I had mentioned in a previous blog. Working with her this semester has been quite the experience. It's been fun and enjoyable, and it's also been kind of scary because you just never know what might set her off. Schizophrenia is a weird thing. But the last few days of my internship were pretty good with Bonnie. One day we were sitting on the porch just talking. I happened to have my camera with me and we decided to take some silly pictures together. It was probably the best time I had had all semester. It was just so joyful sitting there and laughing with Bonnie. I will continue to pray fo

r her. It's sad to think that she might end up leaving the Mission and going back to her lifestyle of betrayal and abuse. I pray that she will rema

in there and get the help that she so desperately needs.

Here are a few of our pictures...

I have also been blessed with a job already, possible two. Soon I will be starting work at Contact Ministries. Previously I wrote about my experience there during one week of my internship. It was a great experience and I absolutely loved working with those ladies there. It's only a temporary position at first, but there's always the possibility of moving up on the ladder.

I also may be working at a Nursing Home in Bloomington. I have my CNA license and I think it would be a great idea to utilize that, mainly because the pay is pretty good.

But that's about it. Hopefully everything works out just dandy.

Crossing the Finish Line...

This is it. My last week as an intern. I couldn't be more excited about being done. Mainly because this is the last hurtle before I graduate. I'm also excited about being done because... well quite frankly this hasn't been an easy semester. The internship itself hasn't really been hard and it hasn't really even been challenging. I just how up and do what needs to be done, no big deal. It's really everything else going on in my life right now that has made this semester so difficult for me.

The truth of the matter is, I have been really hurt. And because of that, I have just sort of shut down all semester long. I just kind of tucked my emotions away and pretended that everything was okay. On the outside all has appeared neat and calm and okay. But on the inside... everything is in chaos and turmoil. I'm broken. I took out my inward frustrations and hurts on this internship. I blamed the internship for the way that I was feeling. I thought that it was just being here that made me feel the way that I did. I thought that maybe if I were in Africa still everything would be better. But the truth is that everything wouldn't be better. It would be different, yeah. I wouldn't have to face the realities of what's going on around me, I wouldn't have to be in the middle of it and see the hurt and heartache. At least right now anyway. But if I were in Africa still, I would be coming home in a few days and then I would have to face it all.

Anyway, all of this is just to say that my internship is over in 4 more days and I feel like I haven't grown any. I feel like I've been set back and that I'm more lost and broken than when I first began. I thought these experiences were supposed to make us grow?

Moving On...

Graduation is in 2 short weeks! I'm excited, but I'm also getting a little nervous because I have no idea what I'm going to do now that school is done. I haven't been able to find a job yet. And quite frankly, I'm beginning to get desperate enough to take the first thing that's hiring.

On a more exciting note... my Roommate from college is coming back from Thailand tomorrow and we will be living together once again! I'm so stoked... I about can't stand it.