Mom,
I can't imagine what your life was like with 2 babies when you were just a baby yourself. I have young kids now and I'm in my 30's, and I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time. I can't imagine what your life was like living far away from family and not having a community. I live far away from family now, but I have a supportive community.
You share stories with me about when we were younger, and although you have never complained about how hard life really was for you, I know. I know it was exhausting, I know it was scary at times, and I know you were lonely.
Your life wasn't easy, but we never once knew that. You showed strength and determination, but most of all you showed love. We always knew you loved us. There was never a doubt. It was clear that you put us first in your life. You protected us and sheltered us when you needed to, you stood up for us, you safeguarded us against the harshness of life. You stayed with us and for us. You stayed to protect us. In all of those ways, I know that you loved us unconditionally.
My heart goes out to you. As a mother myself, I finally get it. I understand all that you did for us. And I'm filled with love for you. I mean, I've always loved you. You're my mom and you're an amazing mom. But it wasn't until I became a mom myself and truly saw the sacrifices you made for us that I understood your love.
I finally get it. I understand your love for me and my brothers now. I truly get why you stayed up late "helping" us with our class projects, why you let me come home from school when I was "sick and throwing up" knowing I just didn't want to be at school, why you made us tomato soup and let us drink it out of sippy cups just because we wanted to, why you couldn't leave me at home when you saw me crying through my bedroom window. I get it now.
I finally get it. I understand that you DO love me more. There's no question, there's no doubt. You're my mom. You will always love me more. I get it now. I will still always respond to your "I love you" texts with "I love you more" because that's what I've always done. But I'll probably add a winky face because I get it now.
A mother is strength. She is the embodiment of what it means to love unconditionally, to carry her family through all of life's ups and downs, to hold it all together. A mother's love is eternal, it is extreme, it is powerful. A mother endures babies that wake up through the night, a toddler's nightmares, messy hands and faces, marker on the walls and floors, dirty diapers and endless piles of laundry, tantrums and all day whininess, a disaster of a house because once you clean the kids destroy it all again in seconds. A mother endures these things, but she also embraces it. Life with kids might be messy, exhausting, constantly draining, but a mom knows that it won't last forever. The babies start sleeping through the night, the kids start cleaning up after themselves, those dirty diapers are no more because your kids are potty trained, and soon each and every little body will grow up and move out.
A mom knows this, and so she embraces those hectic and difficult days. Not every time, and not every moment. Because we all know that it can be relentlessly overwhelming some days. But that's motherhood. The good with the bad, the loveable and cuddly with the rowdy and chaotic, the sweet little kisses with the gnashing of teeth, the tender and quiet moments with the screaming at the top of your lungs. Motherhood.
I just want you to know that I finally get it, mom. I get what it's like to be a mom, to feel all of those emotions, to love with every fiber of my being. I finally understand your love for me. At times, I want to apologize for never getting it before, for not showing you the appreciation you so rightly deserve, for not loving you like you love me. But I know that's silly because no one can really understand until they experience it themselves.
Please know that I appreciate you. I am grateful for all that you did in my life, how you raised me, what you taught me. I'm thankful for the moments you thought you might go insane, but were able to hold yourself together for our benefit. I'm thankful for how you took care of us when we were whiny and overtired, when we complained about every little thing, when we had ungrateful attitudes for the meals you prepared for us and the things you bought for us. Thank you for the nights you stayed up to hold us and rock us when we didn't feel good, for spending endless hours kissings our boo-boos, buying us new clothes each school year, teaching us to tie our shoes and ride our bikes, helping us with our homework and taking us to all of our practices and games. And thank you for the most important thing you could have done; teaching us about God and instilling a greater purpose in our little hearts.
Thank you for loving me enough to let me pursue the plans God has for me, for gracefully allowing me to move away and take your grand babies with. Thank you for cultivating my passion for writing and always encouraging me to pursue that. Thank you for speaking hope into my life when things were really difficult, for crying with me when life was so painful, for tenderly caring for me with the loss of life and enthusiastically sharing the joys of new life.
Your role in our lives may have seemed like just the thing that moms do. But it was more than that, as it should be. And I, for one, finally get it and I am so thankful that you were there through all of that.
I am thankful that I finally get it.
Thank you for being my mom. I love you (more ;-) )
