Missing Home

I need to be honest. This new life of ours is much harder for me to adjust to than I thought it would be.

I thought that getting rid of our stuff and moving out of our own place would be an adventure. I imagined it like any mission trip I have been on- exciting, fun, adventurous. But, unlike all of the mission trips I have been on, there was an end in sight. It was easy to go and do difficult things because I always knew that I would get to come back home. I would get to settle back into my routine, be comfortable in my surroundings, and feel safe in my own environment.

And all of a sudden, I realized that there is no end in sight. There is no assurance that I will get to come back "home" and feel safe and secure and comfortable. We are beginning this new life, and it scares me to the core. I think, if I weren't so confident that the Lord was leading us in this direction, I would just abandon the whole thing. I would throw my arms up and say "Forget it! Forget all of it!". I'm comfortable where I am at. I love having my own home, and I enjoy the privacy of living with just my husband and daughter.

Deep inside I feel a mixture of emotions. I feel sad, like I am mourning a loss. And I also feel hopeful. Hopeful of what's to come and the change that is happening. I feel constricted. There's always an etiquette you must stick to when you are a guest in someone's home. It's different at your own house. You can behave how you want, dress how you want, and live according to the rules you set for your home. When you are a guest you don't get that privilege. It's strange being a permanent guest. It's a little constricting.
I also feel free. In a different sense. We have less responsibility. Less "stuff". Less things to get distracted by. We are focused. On point with what really needs to get done. It's so freeing to live like this.

This is an adjustment. And it's going to take lots of time to figure it out. I'm not just going to be okay with all of this overnight. But the Lord is so good to us. And He isn't going to abandon us after we have taken this giant leap of faith. He is always faithful! It brings to mind the lyrics of that song "Day after Day":

Day after day our God is reigning

He's never shaken, my hope is in the Lord

Time after time our God is faithful

Trustworthy Savior, my hope is in the Lord

While I may struggle with not having a permanent home, I can rest in knowing that a structure does not determine 'home' for me. Home for me is where my family is. Home for me is the comfort I get from knowing that God is continuously providing. Home for me is the love that comes from my husband, and the cuddles I get from my baby. I may miss my structural home, but I've got everything I need right here with me.

On a side note: Go ahead and pray that you won't get too comfortable where you are, and see where God leads you!

Changing it up

I've been writing a lot about...well, being a new mom. Obviously. That's currently the title of my blog. But there's more to my life than simply being a new mom (not that being a mom is simple. It certainly isn't.).

Not only are we adjusting to life as parents, Phil and I are also adjusting to life as Missionary Recruits. I'm sure that I have posted before about joining Pioneer Bible Translators. Well, everything really seems to be falling into place these last few weeks.

Here is a brief update on what's been happening (and continues to happen):

We recently started our online classes. These are classes that we need to take for PBT. Luckily we have both had most of the classes required, so we only need to take a handful. This week we started Intro to Linguistics. And let me tell you...it's no walk in the park. At least not for me. I know that the information will be useful and valuable when I'm trying to learn a new language, but honestly, it's just not fun!
We are hoping to be finished with all of our classes by next Fall.

We are missionary partners with our home church, Rochester Christian. It has been such a joy to talk with individual's at our home church about our passions, goals, and future plans. They have all been so supportive. Our church was eager to partner with us, and take on a supporting role and we transition into this new phase of life. We are excited about what the future holds for both of us as we move forward in this.

We are selling our possessions and giving to the poor! Okay, so it's not really like that. Actually, it may be like that. We are selling the majority of our 'things', and we are moving in with my mom. This dramatic leap of faith came after many weeks of praying and seeking God's direction. We knew that we couldn't keep living like this. We were barely making ends meet- struggling to balance working, school, bills, and the baby, all while trying to focus on getting to the mission field.
After much prayer and seeking wise counsel, we decided that Phil would quit his job and start working with his dad's ministry, and we would move to Indiana and live with my mom. With this drastic change, we will be able to focus on what is really important- getting to the mission field. We will have more time to focus on getting our classes done, meeting with individuals and churches about partnering with us, and figuring out where it is we might be going.

We are still praying about where we will Go. We have two options in front of us at this time, but we are currently unsure of which one the Lord is leading us to. But with everything falling into place so quickly, I am certain that we will know before long. God is so good, and He continues to lead us and open the doors for us.