#158: Hanging out with the baby bro...

The only two blondes in the family!!

I freakin love this little guy! Nolan is getting so big, so fast. I wish I lived closer so that I could see him more. But it's such a joy to get to spend some time with him (and the rest of the family too, of course) every now and then.

#157: I'm so inpatient!

Almost to Indiana to visit family, and this stinkin train is holding us up!

#156: Mmm...popcorn in a real popcorn bowl!

I love having popcorn in a bowl that says popcorn. It's just fabulous!

#155: 12 Hour shift in Retail

Today I worked 12 hours in one tiny little store in the Mall. It was horrendous. It was boring and awful, and my feet hurt so bad. By the end of hour 8, I was ready to curl up in a ball on the floor behind the registers. I needed a break. And  break is what I got! A break in my mental state.

A 12 hour day in retail does something to a person. Not a good something. Not a fun something. A very terrible something. It makes an individual lose a tiny grip of reality. Things that aren't even nearly funny become hysterical. Customers begin to look like aliens, and you need to treat them as such (hiding from them, throwing objects at them to scare them off, etc). And you begin to think it's normal to try on every piece of clothing....at the same time!

Okay maybe not seriously. But those thoughts did cross my mind. And I'm pretty sure that I did laugh hysterically a few times and things that weren't quite humorous.

I hate working 12 hours in retail. It is so boring and life-draining.

 This is what happens when they leave me alone in that place....

#153: Mid 20's Life Crisis

I am having a mid 20's life crisis. Or, a quarter life crisis. Today I was just feeling down and kind of useless. I mean, I'm almost 26, I have a terrible dead-end job, I'm not really involved in anything. And ya know what? I really want to have a baby, but that's not happening either. In all honesty, I kind of just feel like a loser. I mean, I obviously have things going for me. I have a great marriage, my husband is the best ever, we have health insurance (such an adult thing to say), I have great relationships with my family and friends, etc etc.

But sometimes, like today, my life just seems to lack meaning and direction. 

I don't know what to do. I feel lost. I feel lonely. I feel like a loser.

And so...I had ice cream for dinner. Ice cream and a delicious apple dessert I made.

It didn't really make me feel less like a loser. But it definitely did help. Just a little.

#152: Half power outage...?

The kitchen in total darkness. 

Unfortunately half of the electricity in the house went out. None of the lights in the kitchen work, although all of the appliances plugged into the walls still work. The bathroom light doesn't work, the lamp by the front door doesn't work and the air conditioner doesn't work. Which is odd to me, because the plugs on either side of the air conditioner do work. If only the air conditioner plug were longer... 

This is the electrical box that is for our apartment. I couldn't figure it out. I even turned everything off and then turned it back on. The only thing that accomplished was that I had to reset the clocks. But still half the apartment is in total darkness (and getting increasingly hotter).

#151: Utilizing the ugly radiator heater

We have 2 very distinct and very ugly radiators in our tiny apt. What in the world are we supposed to do with it? I decided it would be a good idea to figure out a way to utilize it. Can we say a dandy book shelf?
I covered it with an old blanket (which nicely matches the decor in the living room/bedroom), stacked some books on top and voila!

#150: Now that's the Life

I love when we get to go shopping because we always get delicious food for a couple of weeks! Such as Life cereal. It's my all time favorite. Today I ate it for lunch and it was lovely!

#149: Am I still a thief if I steal something I don't even like?

Tonight I accidentally stole a necklace from work. Usually when I go to work I will pick out a necklace to wear, but I always take it off before I leave. Tonight I forgot.
As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I saw it dangling around my neck. I texted the other manager that closed with me and told her I stole it. She called me a thief and I wondered if I'm still a thief if I steal something I don't even like. She said yes.
Since I don't work until the end of next week, she agreed to meet me and take the necklace back to work the next day.

We met in an abandoned parking lot and it felt like we were doing some kind of illegal smuggling or something. I made sure to tell her that she was now the thief and I was guilt free.

#148: The joys of retail.

Sometimes working with the public can be quite entertaining. It can be pretty frustrating and annoying at times too, but there is never a dull day, even in retail. People are crazy and rude and bizarre.
Today this older lady wheeled her self into the store and proceeded to ask me a million questions all the while ignoring all of my answers. At one point in this annoying a vicious cycle of asking questions and ignoring them, the lady decided she wanted to try on a belt. In order to do so she needed to unload ALL of the bags and other items that were on her lap. One such item was this glass ball. As she picked it up off her lap she said "I don't even know what this is. I think I took it from Sears". She just shrugged and set it on our jewelry table, and said "I don't know what to do with it now."
I said "You could take it back to Sears"

Old lady: "No, I don't want to go  back there".

Me: "Well, you could take it home and use it as a decoration or something."

Old Lady: "It will look better here."

In the end the lady didn't not buy the one item she finally decided she liked. And the glass ball...well she did leave it on the jewelry table.

The joys of retail.

#147: Creepy Basement

Today I spent the entire day at my friend Kristin's house. Unfortunately, she had to work so I was left alone. I was able to do my laundry there, which I was totally grateful for. The only problem with doing my laundry at her house is that the washer and dryer are in the basement. The very creepy basement. The stairs are really steep and there were several times I almost fell to my death. Also, there is a very creepy door downstairs that says "Enter at your own risk". Apparently the previous renter's kids wrote that, but how can anyone be sure?

So other than having to go down into the very scary basement, my day at Kristin's was lovely and relaxing!

#146: People of Walmart

A towel, really? Now I have seen everything.

(And yes, it has been uploaded to peopleofwalmart.com)

#145: Monday Tradition

Kristin and I have started a new tradition on Mondays: Swimming at the Crocker's! It's our favorite new tradition, and it always feels like we are going home for the weekend from college. It's wonderful to be there. We just absolutely love it.

They found this cute little kitten in their garage and they are now in the process of trying to find her a nice home. Every time I go there I take a picture of her and send it to Phil. Now I'm not a cat person. In fact, I typically despise cats. But for some reason this little one just touches my heart. Maybe because she's just a kitten and is so tiny and cute? I don't know. But every time Phil says no. And since I'm learning to listen to what Phil says, no it is :-) 

(But maybe next Monday he'll say yes)

#144: Melted Spoon

I took this picture because I thought it was quite comical. As I was stirring my easy mac (gotta love lunch at work!), my spoon began to melt. It was oddly uncomfortable to eat with that spoon. But what are ya gonna do? When you're hungry, you're hungry.

#143: My latest tv show addiction

I just love the Gilmore Girls. And unfortunately it is not on Netflix. I have seriously considered buying the entire series. Phil, of course, put his foot down on that one. Apparently we have more important things to spend our money on. More important than Gilmore Girls?
Luckily for me, my friend Becky has the series. And even more lucky for me, she is letting me borrow it. Oh how I do love friends!
So here's to Becky and to Gilmore Girls, and also to this fabulous cup of coffee that I am drinking right now! *raises coffee mug*

#142: Just another day at the office

This is the door of info we are all supposed to read while we are on break. Are you kidding me?! First of all, that's a lot of stuff to read! And secondly...I'm not one to do work related stuff while I'm off the clock. This is just my job. It's not my life.

So I took a picture of it instead! I still have yet to read most of that stuff.....

#141: Sickly

Today was not the greatest. The last few days I have not felt so hot. But today it just seemed to get really bad. My friend seems to think that I have some kind of food allergies and that is why I tend to get sick frequently. I don't know. All I know is that today I felt terrible.
Phil and I both had to work, so we drove into Springfield and I dropped him off. Then I called work and said I would be about an hour late, that I was not feeling good and needed to get some meds. About an hour later she called back and I still wasn't feeling any better. She told me to stay home so that I would be better for work tomorrow. Hmm...work called in for me?! Interesting.
Anyway, I went to Heather's house because I was sick and needed a place to stay. Both Heather and her husband had to leave, so I had the house to myself. It was quite lovely.

I bonded with the cat, who seemed to be quite needy for some odd reason.

Every where I went she'd follow and wind up on top of me all curled up.

#140: X-Files?

Every time I see this park (which is quite often, considering it's behind our apartment), I think of the X-Files. And ya know what? X-Files is on Netflix, so that's pretty awesome. Maybe I will have to utilize my Saturday off....

#139: Enjoying the day with my Girls

Today Jenna and Kristin came to Lincoln and we all go to hang out. It was so lovely getting to see them. And it was even better than we got to spend almost the entire day together! I love my girls!

#138: French manicured myself

No, this is not an "Oh my gosh, I just got engaged" picture. I'm flaunting my mad french manicure skills! I did this all on my own...complete with blue painters tape. I was totally surprised by my own abilities. And maybe a bit more surprised by my desire to "do" my nails.

This reminds me of the time my real life missionary friend promised to french manicure my nails for my wedding. And...well let's just say that it didn't turn out the way we had planned. But I suppose it's the thought that counts. It's always the thought that counts...

#137: Cute-ening up my Kitchen

I realize that cutening is not a word. But, I guess I don't care.

I absolutely love my kitchen. It's so cute and adorable! I have been cutening it up by painting, adding pictures and other decorative arrangement. I just love it! Mainly I love that it isn't in the basement and that there is no mold in it. Now that my kitchen is part of the....well the main living area, it's easily accessible and easy to utilize.

#136: Walking

Today I needed to clear my head. I needed some quiet alone time to think and reflect and ponder. So I decided to walk to Walmart. Now it is quite the haul from my apartment to Walmart, but I figured that the long walk would be good for me. As I trudged along, I realized that it was excruciatingly hot outside- well in to the 90's. I got to Aldi and decided that was good enough. Then I called my friend and asked her to come pick me up.
All in all, I burned almost 400 calories just walking (i have a pedometer). And then I bought some healthy food like these apples, and some low calorie meals!

#135: My front "yard" view

This is now the view when I step outside of my apartment (or rather, when I walked down the stairs and then outside). We live on the square, which is really nothing to brag about because it's Lincoln. But still...it's quaint. And I like it.

#134: Due Date....

Unfortunately for me, I have to mark everything on my calendar. I marked the date that I was supposed to be due, and then completely forgot about it after the miscarriage. But yesterday was a terrible reminder (that's when I finally turned the page on the calendar).
I had wondered what it would be like to get to the day that I should have been having my baby. I honestly thought that I wouldn't really think twice about it, that it would be fine and that I would be fine.

Now I'm not typically one to be all dramatic, and I usually like to just keep my feelings to myself. But I think a small dam inside of me broke. It just brought back all of those painful memories, like it had just happened yesterday. All of those emotions just came rolling out. Raw emotions, like I had never really healed.
I wanted that baby. So badly. I prayed everyday for that baby. Even after I went to the emergency room, I still prayed that they were wrong.

I guess the pain is still there. I wonder when it'll stop hurting...?

#133: No Storage

Unfortunately this is the only storage area we have now. At our old apartment we had 3 large closets. Phil and I didn't even need to share a closet for our clothes. We had so much space in that other apartment!
Not only did we downsize to a much smaller living space, but our closet space has downsized as well- by like 90%!
I can't even tell you how many boxes of stuff we have gotten rid of just because we can't fit it in here now.
I guess that's not necessarily a bad thing though. Apparently we didn't really need it if we were okay with letting it go.

#132: The lost was found

I knew it was just a matter of time! Today I finally found the keys that I lost several weeks ago. I had no idea where I had put them, but I knew that they had to be somewhere in this tiny apartment. Sure enough, as I was digging through a bag that I had stuffed random items in, I found the keys.
Honestly I have no recollection of putting them there. But I suppose memory loss comes with age. Or at least that's what people have been telling me lately.

#131: Pocket Shower

If this isn't the neatest thing, then I don't know what is. I saw this at an outdoor store today. You can literally take a shower with this tiny bag pocket-sized bag that will hold up to 10 liters of water. I was totally fascinated. And this store definitely made me want to live outside for awhile.
I love it outside!

Who's up for some camping?!

#130: Tater Tot Casserole

For some odd reason, Phil was craving tater tot casserole. Being the amazing wife that I am, I told him I didn't  have the ingredients and couldn't make it. But then he gave me that look. Ya know, the look that could melt a heart of stone. Well it gets me every time.
Don't get me wrong, I have a look too that works like a charm on Phil. But he used the look first and so I traipsed off to the store to buy the stuff for tater tot casserole. And I've got to say, it wasn't bad at all! And luckily there is only two of us, so that whole dish will feed us for a bit!

#129: In loving memory of Russell

Today was the funeral of Phil's cousin, Russell. It was devastatingly sad to witness a mother losing her son. I may not have any kids, but I could clearly see the depth of her pain. And it was heartbreaking.
While it was tragic to be a part of a funeral for a loved one, it was also quite beautiful. A strange mixture of devastation and hope, of loss and love.
Russell was an amazing man filled up and overflowing with love and kindness and compassion. Everyone spoke about his amazing ability to love people and to show the deepest kindness to everyone he met. Russell didn't know a stranger. Everyone he met he immediately clicked with. Everyone loved Russell.

His life was a well lived one. His quality of life was phenomenal. Maybe not in a physical sense, as Russell struggled daily with an ailing body, but in all other ways, Russell lived a quality life. His friends and family can attest to that. And they did that day. Everyone would say that it was an honor to know Russell and to be a part of his life.

I may not have known him well, but every time I saw him he had a smile on his face and he always treated me with the utmost kindness.

You will surely be missed Rusty!

#128: She's a little bit thirsty

We have been driving around in this nasty heat with hardly any air conditioning. Typically it blows out luke warm air, so we make due with the windows down. We finally opted for a much better alternative; coolant.

Ahh, air conditioning! It's such a great commodity to have!