Unfortunately for me, I have to mark everything on my calendar. I marked the date that I was supposed to be due, and then completely forgot about it after the miscarriage. But yesterday was a terrible reminder (that's when I finally turned the page on the calendar).
I had wondered what it would be like to get to the day that I should have been having my baby. I honestly thought that I wouldn't really think twice about it, that it would be fine and that I would be fine.
Now I'm not typically one to be all dramatic, and I usually like to just keep my feelings to myself. But I think a small dam inside of me broke. It just brought back all of those painful memories, like it had just happened yesterday. All of those emotions just came rolling out. Raw emotions, like I had never really healed.
I wanted that baby. So badly. I prayed everyday for that baby. Even after I went to the emergency room, I still prayed that they were wrong.
I guess the pain is still there. I wonder when it'll stop hurting...?
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