I'm an Israelite

These past few months have slowly returned to normal. I don't feel quite as obsessive as I was just a few weeks ago. I feel a little bit more normal, and I don't cry nearly as much. Praise God for time! I think it's true, that time does help to heal wounds. I also think that it is the Lord's grace that also heals are brokenness. One thing I know for certain is that through tragedy, I always draw nearer to God. Whenever everything falls apart and I'm left kneeling on the floor with my shattered heart in my hand, my God is kneeling there with me. We embrace and he takes my broken heart and slowly and ever so gently begins to make it whole again.

Sometimes I feel like an Israelite. I read about them throughout the Old Testament and I criticize them "Why are you constantly forgetting? How is it possible you are turning your back again? Oh, so now that you're in a real bind you're gonna seek God?" And now, as I think back I realize that I am that way. Things are going great, every thing is on the up and up. I've got my life together and I've got things figured out. Where is God in that equation? Oh, he's up there somewhere, but I'm not really focused on that. I have so much to do! There are jobs I need to apply for, the house needs to be cleaned, dinner needs to be made, I need to spend time with Phil and my friends and my family. I need to read my books and write in my blog. I definitely need to check my email and update my status on facebook. There is so much to do!

And BAM! Tragedy strikes and I'm knocked to my knees. It's hard to breath. Has my lung collapsed? No, it's my heart...it's been broken. So what do I do? I turn to God. "Father...I messed up. I forgot about you. And now I'm in this big mess of sorts. Won't you please rescue me?!"

Yes, I am an Israelite. I am constantly forgetting my God when things are going great. It's shame and it's a tragedy. I don't want to be this person anymore. I want to constantly seek God. Not just when I'm desperate. I want to learn and grow through all of life's phases.