Well, I finally mailed in our PBT application. Only took....oh about 4 months.
Here's the thing though: The application has actually been completed for quite some time now. Lately I have been having some doubts about this whole missions thing. Ever since we found out we are going to be having a baby, this crazy fear has just gripped me. I love the comfort of knowing my family and friends are so close and can help me with anything. I love the security of being in my own house, my own town, my own country. I love the familiarity of everything. And lately I've just been so scared to give all of that up.
And especially after our trip to India, this fear has gripped me even more. It was amazing being there and getting to talk to those persecuted Christians. But...the reality of missions really sunk in. We are called to give our very lives for the Gospel. Am I willing to do that? Am I willing to put my family in dangerous circumstances?
Of course, we don't know where we will be going or what it will actually be like. But the truth is still that the mission field is no picnic.
Anyway, I wrestled deeply with those issues. And I told God that it would be better for us to do missions or ministry in our area. Ya know...where we know the language and the culture and we could do a better job.
But all in all, I know that this is what God is calling us to do. Or at least He is calling us to take this step of faith. I don't know what's to come. And that's okay. Because I do trust God.
And that quote that I heard from PMI still rings in my head "If it costs you nothing to convey the Gospel of Christ, then people can conclude that it means nothing."
And I don't want people to conclude that by the way I am living my life. And ya know what, what else are we here for, but to glorify God and tell the world of his amazing love and salvation.
So I mailed it!
And now we wait.
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