Time wounds all heals

It's only been a week and already so much has happened. Not necessarily with what I've been doing here, but with what has been going on inside of me.
After getting here and settling down, I realized that part of the reason I came here was simply to run away from the things that were making me sad and causing me such pain. Don't get me wrong, I also came because this is my passion. Afterall, I did go to school for this. I just know that God had his hand in this in more ways then I could have ever imagined.
I'm going to share a bit of my story because I believe that honesty and openness brings healing. And I no longer want to wear a mask that covers my feelings and all of my emotions. God created us to be emotional beings and he created us to be in community. So I'm going to share my feelings with this small community of people who may be reading this.

I left Africa feeling hurt and confused and very angry. I knew that coming back was the right thing to do, but it was still frustrating to me. I finished up my internship at a homeless shelter, but it's not what I wanted at all. From the beginning I had a bad attitude about it and I let that ruin the whole experience.
But instead of dealing with the issues that were actually bothering me- like the lady at the Mission tried to get me to do- I simply kept it all in and became pretty bitter and more upset. I thought maybe time would heal the wounds I had. But after awhile I just felt so unhappy. Leaving Africa, interning at a place I didn't enjoy, and finishing school without figuring out what I really wanted to do with my life... it all just really got to me. But more than that I was really struggling with trying to piece together my broken heart. I felt like nothing would ever be the same again.
I didn't want anyone to know that I really wasn't okay. So I just put on my "everything's perfect" mask. Only my pillow knew how I truly felt as I often cried myself to sleep, stifling my sob so no one else would hear. I am sure that some people knew that I wasn't really okay- at least those closest to me. But still I was pretending. I think mostly I was trying to trick myself into thinking I was fine.
I just felt like I needed to get away. Or, more accurately, I wanted to run away. I thought that if maybe I was someplace else, busy doing other things, that I wouldn't think about it and all would be great. Boy was I wrong! I really like how God sometimes lets us run with our ideas only to have it be the opposite of what we expected. God is so awesome because he knows exactly what we need and he'll even use our clumsy and misguided plans to teach us.

So, I came to Peru thinking I was escaping things back home, only to find that God had other plans. Now, instead of being busy and forgetting all my worries, I've had so much downtime and so much time to simply think.
Plus, I'm in another culture all by myself. Which can make it a little bit lonely at times. So there... it was just me and my thoughts/feelings alone with God.
How funny You are Lord!
This week has been really painful as I've faced all the things I've run from for so long. But it has also been good because this is exactly what I have needed. I've really been praying and reading God's word and simply listening. It's a slow process, but I'm so thankful for it. I came running away, but ultimately God's purpose was for healing.