Well, I've realized one very important fact about myself. I don't do well with commitment.
Okay, now before you start commenting on my marriage, and that I should have figured this one out before I tied the knot...let me just explain.
My commitment issues have nothing to do with my relationship with my husband. The commitment I'm talking about is mostly related to jobs and other tasks or goals that I set for myself. Here's the deal with the job situation:
I have a hard time committing to a job because it stifles my spontaneity and my freedom (or so it seems to me). If I could find a job that allowed me to make my own hours and do my own thing...well shoot, I'd be the happiest person in the world. But that's not realistic. I just always feel so tied down and immobile with a job, especially a full time job. And can I just be honest here? It actually depresses me. Makes me feel trapped and isolated. I'm sure most people feel the same way though.
I also have a hard time committing to my own goals. Maybe I just lack discipline and ambition. I'm not quite sure. But...as you've probably noticed, I kind of just stopped posting pictures for my picture blog. And after a few weeks of no pictures, I just told myself "It's almost been a year anyway". Wow! Lazy much?
The truth is, it's been really difficult for me to be productive with anything lately. Since we are short 2 managers now, I am working full time (please refer to my previous statement about work). It's taking it's toll on my body. My giant body. Carrying a child does NOT make things easier.
So, I have not been taking pictures, I have not been reading a book a month, and I really haven't been doing much of anything except working, sleeping and eating. It's all gotten quite pathetic.
But there is good news to this sad miserable story. Hubs informed me that I could put in my 2 weeks (maybe he saw how miserable of person I was becoming. Or...maybe he was just tired of having to make his own meals all the time), and be a stay-at-home mom-to-be.
And so, as of February 4th, I will be just that!
I can relate 100% to your feelings about working in retail or in capitalistic enterprises in general. I always quit because I felt walked all over and couldn't take it. The only jobs I ever enjoyed involved teaching and without a degree those were few and far between. I never wanted to be a stay-at-home wife or mom and always imagined I would have a career outside the home, but now that I have two babies and one on the way, I can't imagine going back to that world of cut-throat crap again. I am so excited for you to be able to begin on this journey of stay-at-home mommyhood. Beware: you will love it like really really love it for a few days. You'll sleep in and stay up and just swim in a sea of freedom and then you'll get really, really bored and harass your husband when he doesnt come home DIRECTLY from work because you have been waittting to talk to him, or anyone for that matter. So have plans! make lunch dates with friends or just plan to go to a certain place at the same time most days, even if it's to a coffee shop to read only one chapter. just make plans and enjoy these last few months before your world is turned upside down by joy and sleepless nights. ha ha
ReplyDeleteI like that you changed the name of your blog. Lol!
ReplyDeleteI am excited that you get to be a stay at home mom, that is awesome!
Perhaps I will get to see more of you! Side note: I will be in Springfield feb 14-17 and feb 21st for training so I better get to see you at least one of those evenings!
I, too, love the name change and my husband and I cracked up when I explained the whole "pregnancy is an occupational hazard of being married" line. it sure is! (I say explained because we have lots of fun with me trying to explain commonly used English phrases and lines he doesnt quite get).
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