For the past 2 years I have been blessed to stay home with
my kids. It has become my life. I absolutely love it. Yes it gets challenging
and frustrating, and there are times when I would like to be alone (or even just
pee alone), or I feel like throwing a tantrum like my kids. But overall it is
such a blessing to get to be the one to get my kids out of bed in the morning,
take care of their needs and wants throughout the day and tuck them into bed at
night.
Being a mom and staying home with my kids has always been
something I’ve wanted to do. It’s my dream job. I wouldn’t want it any other
way (on most days).
So naturally one of the hardest things for me on this
endeavor to France to learn French is that I have to put my kids in the
nursery. The culture shock is hard, missing people from back home is hard, the
unfamiliarity of this country and not knowing the language yet is hard. But it
doesn’t compare to how difficult it has been for me to drop my kids off with strangers
in the morning and pick them back up in the evening.
I don’t know what they do all day. I don’t know what they
eat. I don’t know how they nap, if they cry, or how they are feeling all day
long.
What I do know is that someone else is taking care of them.
I know that I miss them like crazy and I can’t stand not being the one to tend
to their wants and their needs.
Indeed it is good that they are there, because it gives me
the opportunity to learn French in an intensive classroom setting. I get hours
a day to study and learn and practice. It’s useful and it’s beneficial. The
kids are also getting acquainted with someone else taking care of them,
learning some French, playing with other children. It’s all good. It’s all
nice. But I still don’t like it one bit.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. And much
sooner than a year from now when we are done with language school and making
our way to West Africa. In January I am going to be having baby #3. And because of
that, I have the option to stay home with the kids and hire a language tutor.
This is great news! And for more than my selfish reason of
wanting to be the primary caretaker of my babies; Saving!
Not having to pay for 3 kids to be in the nursery is going
to save us quite a bit of money. And we’ll be able to use that money to hire a great tutor (as
well as save up for baby/children's expenses! Apparently children can get a bit pricey...especially the whole processes of delivering one!) that will help me
continue to learn French well.
But in the meantime, I’m struggling just a little bit with
missing my babies.
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