It’s getting closer. The restlessness within tells me that
change is just around the corner. The excitement that comes with something new,
with an adventure, has been bubbling up within me for years now. The
anticipation of what’s to come is almost too much to stand.
Our journey starts in 2 months. In 2 months we pack up all
of our belongings, say goodbye to beloved family and friends, and move to Texas
for the last part of our training Stateside. In 2 months we leave…
I am thrilled beyond belief. I am overjoyed about this
opportunity. I am excited that what I have always dreamed, what I have always
said I would do, what I know I am being called to do, is finally happening. The
preparation, the schooling, the dreaming….it’s all becoming a reality- it’s all
finally coming together. And I am filled with joy.
But I am also filled with sorrow.
When I think about leaving…I almost can’t stand it. The pain
that billows up inside of me is overwhelming. It’s not something that I have
ever experienced. It is immense heartache. It is loss. The thought of saying
goodbye brings tears to my eyes. I can’t even write this without crying.
Time and again I have asked God to take this cup from me- to
allow me to do missions in some other way. Is there a way that I can do this
and not have to leave everyone I love?
It’s bittersweet. I am so excited to go. I have wanted to do
this for years. But I’m also mourning the loss of the closeness of family and
friends. I don’t want to leave everyone. But God has called us on this journey
right now, and I know that He will ease the burden in some way. I will always
feel the sting of leaving those I love, but I am trusting that God will
somehow, someway, make it not unbearable.
But right now, I am mourning what I will be losing.
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