Goals?

So I realized that I haven’t accomplished anything on my list of goals. I know that I have a year, but I’ve just flat out failed at some of them. I know that it’s only been a couple of months, but I was hoping to see some progress, not regression. Let’s just do a recap, of sorts.

I did not stay at my job for a year. In fact, I couldn’t stand my job. It was like working in a nursing home, and I am just not cut out for that type of work. I’m not going to go into detail about it, but it just wasn’t something I could continue doing. And I know what people think and what people are going to say. I’ve heard it all, and I think the same thing. But it is what it is.

I have not found a mentor yet. I’m still working on that, hoping that she will just show up in my life one day and say “Hey Sarah, I’m so-and-so. I thought that I could be your mentor!” And bam, it’s done. That hasn’t happened yet, but maybe soon?

I’ve given up on exercising, let alone 3-4 times a week.

As far as weekly prayer/worship time alone…well, I do pray. I’m just not as committed as I want to be. And to be completely honest, there are many times that I choose watching Netflix over praying or reading the Bible.

As of now, I am not involved in any activity outside of home. I’m a home-body.

I have found a ministry to get involved in. Phil and I are joining the missions team at our church. Although, we haven’t actually done that yet. So….

I don’t walk to work, because, well, I just don’t work.

I still need to learn to read in Spanish. I bought books and dictionaries, but have yet to open them.

Sometimes we go on date nights, but usually we don’t. We do spend time together at home, but it isn’t designated at “date night”, and we are usually both doing our own things.

We have not become members at RCC.

I have not sponsored a missionary.

I HAVE STARTED WRITING A BOOK!!! That is a positive one. I have done that. I have 2 chapters already! More on that later.

I do not read the Bible daily. I did start memorizing weekly bible verses. But, after the first week, I just sort of forgot.

I haven’ picked up the guitar since I wrote out my goals.

My hair is more blonde than before, but it really isn’t blonde at all.

I need pictures to scrapbook, and I haven’t gotten them yet.

I did get pregnant, but I’m not anymore. So I’m not really sure how to feel about this goal, or how to go about accomplishing it. It’s a little bit strange.

I started reading 2 marriage books. But I haven’t finished either one of them.

I lost 7 lbs in one week. But have since gained them back, plus a few more of their friends.

I guess I’m blogging a bit more now. So there’s a win for me.

And I have yet to start writing poems, although I think about it all the time.

So all in all, I haven’t accomplished much. But then again, it’s only January. I still have until October to get through these. I am very excited about starting this book though. It’s something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while now.

And as far as the not getting pregnant thing goes, I think I may consider revising that. Because, truth be told, I really want a baby. And I’m well aware of what other people are saying and that I shouldn’t do it right now. I know all of that. I know that we are strapped for money and that neither one of us have great paying jobs (certainly not me, anyway!). I know that we don’t have insurance and we don’t have a house big enough for a family. I get that. It’s not like I’m over here scheming to secretly get pregnant without letting Phil in on it. I’m sure that’d be pretty tricky anyway, considering it takes 2 to make a baby (or so I’ve been told).

It’s just that, after experiencing the joy and the excitement of being pregnant and the thought of being a mother, it’s cruel to just write me off and write off my feelings of wanting that again. I’m not being selfish when I say that I want to try again. It’s normal. It’s normal to want back what you lost. It’s normal for a woman to want to be a mother, and to desire that. Especially after losing a baby.

It’s difficult enough when people ask me if I’m going to try again, as if the pain is not still so fresh. But it makes it even worse when people say that I shouldn’t and that it would be silly to do so. To that I would say that you just don’t understand where I am coming from. And to be completely honest, I am glad that you don’t. Because that would mean that you have been through this pain and this loss.

So, yes, I do want to get pregnant again. I do want to have a baby. And I do know all of the reasons why I shouldn’t. But in case you’re still curious, we probably won’t get pregnant any time soon. But thank you for your concerns. Dually noted.

(When did a recap of my goals become a soap box about getting pregnant….)