Learning lessons is rather difficult. At least it is for me. I thought for sure that I wasn't learning anything here- that I was just completing hours for my internship and that there was no other point. Half the time I feel useless here and wonder what the heck I'm even here for. Sometimes I wonder why I ever even left Kenya- I want so badly to just go back.
But here I am. And it's here that I know God is trying to teach me something. But sometimes I just focus so much on my frustrations and my iniquities that I fail to see the bigger picture.
I cry out to God, wondering what my purpose is and where I fit in all of this. Do I even fit?
And my answer came in a surprising way- well, surprising for me anyway. For my internship here I have to do this Beth Moore bible study. It's the "Breaking Free" one. I must admit that I was less than thrilled to be doing it. I was frustrated that I even had to. But nonetheless, I did it (am doing it). And I am learning a great deal about finding peace and contentment. I don't know what it is, but I just have no contentment in what I'm doing. I want to do more meaningful things, I want to do something that I feel matters. And I suppose that's where my problem lies. It's not about me and it's not about what I'm doing or what I'm not doing. At least it shouldn't be. And I shouldn't make it be about me.
God promises to give us his peace in all things and in all circumstances (2 Thes. 3:16) - and that includes being on an internship where I feel less than useful at times. God desires for us to have peace, no matter what our circumstances. But I must believe it, I must be willing to get down on my knees and cry out to him, and I must be willing to receive it.
I have to stop feeling sorry for myself- stop wishing that I were in Africa. Because the painful truth is that I would probably feel the same way no matter where I was. Mission trips, internships, jobs, whatever... it's not about me and what I can accomplish. It's about God and what he can accomplish through me and through other willing people. I need to find joy in the tasks that I do, no matter what they are. It's a struggle, but I am learning to find peace and joy where I am right now. Please pray with me about this. It's not an easy struggle- and I must admit that I keep failing at it.
If anyone has any suggestions that might be helpful, by all means, send them my way.
Also... I'll be sending an update via snail mail. But it's nothing new compared to what I've been writing on here. It's just an update letting those that don't have internet know that I am back. Yes... a little late in coming, seeing as I've been back since the end of January, but at least I'm sending it out.
That's all for now.
But here I am. And it's here that I know God is trying to teach me something. But sometimes I just focus so much on my frustrations and my iniquities that I fail to see the bigger picture.
I cry out to God, wondering what my purpose is and where I fit in all of this. Do I even fit?
And my answer came in a surprising way- well, surprising for me anyway. For my internship here I have to do this Beth Moore bible study. It's the "Breaking Free" one. I must admit that I was less than thrilled to be doing it. I was frustrated that I even had to. But nonetheless, I did it (am doing it). And I am learning a great deal about finding peace and contentment. I don't know what it is, but I just have no contentment in what I'm doing. I want to do more meaningful things, I want to do something that I feel matters. And I suppose that's where my problem lies. It's not about me and it's not about what I'm doing or what I'm not doing. At least it shouldn't be. And I shouldn't make it be about me.
God promises to give us his peace in all things and in all circumstances (2 Thes. 3:16) - and that includes being on an internship where I feel less than useful at times. God desires for us to have peace, no matter what our circumstances. But I must believe it, I must be willing to get down on my knees and cry out to him, and I must be willing to receive it.
I have to stop feeling sorry for myself- stop wishing that I were in Africa. Because the painful truth is that I would probably feel the same way no matter where I was. Mission trips, internships, jobs, whatever... it's not about me and what I can accomplish. It's about God and what he can accomplish through me and through other willing people. I need to find joy in the tasks that I do, no matter what they are. It's a struggle, but I am learning to find peace and joy where I am right now. Please pray with me about this. It's not an easy struggle- and I must admit that I keep failing at it.
If anyone has any suggestions that might be helpful, by all means, send them my way.
Also... I'll be sending an update via snail mail. But it's nothing new compared to what I've been writing on here. It's just an update letting those that don't have internet know that I am back. Yes... a little late in coming, seeing as I've been back since the end of January, but at least I'm sending it out.
That's all for now.
Hmmm...it appears that I neglected to comment on this one also. I know I'm a little over a month behind, but better late than never, right?
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