A Larger Picture

One of the coolest things about coming back to Peru after 3 years is seeing how the vision of the project has moved along so drastically. When I first came here, the project was in its first year. There was a team of missionary's, some from different countries here in South America, and also a North American couple. They talked about their vision for Trujillo and how they were going to reach both the people living in the barrios and the people living in the city. It seemed like such a huge task- I imagined it would take many many years to reach some of their goals. I left 3 years ago while the project was still mostly an idea.

But now... well not it's clear to see that God has been in this project from the beginning. There have been many setbacks- with some of the members of the team leaving and other in it for the wrong motives. But through all of the trials, Gods Word has prevailed. The project is growing. The teams ahve moved into 6 new barrios, where they will begin training leaders, implement community development where the people in the community become the committee, and get the kids into a sponsorship program so that their families have food, as well as a chance to get an education. Those are just a few of the things that are being done in the barrios.

A church has started in the city as well. I believe it began 2 weeks before I came here. We had a huge parade yesterday, in order to get the word out about it. Apparently parades are a big deal here. If you want people to hear about what you're doing or something you're promoting, then have a parade (as a matter of fact, a parade just went down the street. I don't know what it was for though... but there it went). It was fun and had a pretty good turnout.

Here are a few pictures from yesterday:

These were the little kids in the parade. The boy in the green is Angel (pronounces "ahn-hel"). I met him three years ago. And it was great to see him again.

Kellie and I were the "Gringa" exhibit.

All the "Princessas"

I guess my point in writing this is simply that God has the big picture. We only get glimpses of a small portion. Somtimes we're able to see a little extra. I have been blessed by getting to see a little extra here in Trujillo. I have seen this project go from a big idea that seemed impossible to accomplish, to a project that is impacting thousands of people in and around Trujillo. But more than that... I have seen hope. My last blog was filled with despair. I felt, and still do feel, overwhelmed by the immense poverty here. And I wondered if anything could be done. And while this project has in no way eradicated poverty from Trujillo, there is hope. And it's only fitting that this projects name is "Proyecto Nueva Esperanza", or in English "Project New Hope".

I would also like to tell you about one of the highlights of my time here. I went back to one of the barrios that I, of course, hadn't been to in 3 years. I was just standing there talking with some lady. Suddenly these two girls run up to me. The older one asks me if my name is Sarah. I said yes and she looks back to where some ladies are sitting, just staring at me. She nods yes to them and they all smile and start chatting again. Then the girl hugged me. It was Flor. We had hung out before. Don't tell anyone, but when the teams would come in to do construction projects, I would often sneak off and hang out with the kids. I couldn't believe that she remembered me. It was years ago and there have been so many different Americans that have come here to help out. I was elated. I was humbled. It was one of the highlights of this whole trip.

Me with Flor and her sister (Flor is on the right)

Garbage Dump Life

As we drove around the different barrios, I felt my hope slipping away. These living conditions are horrifying, demeaning and completely devastating. No human being should have to live in such poverty. These little shantys start out with the straw and sticks, sometimes newspaper is used as insulation. The floor, of course, is sand. As they earn a few dollars here and there they are able to buy bricks every now and then. Eventually they will collect enough bricks to put around the outside. These shanty-type houses are often no more than an 8x11 foot space, sometimes small than that. And it is there that whole families must reside.
But what about the bathroom? I always find myself, like most people in the West, wondering where the nearest clean bathroom is. As often happens when living in a place with unclean water, sometimes it becomes necessary (urgent even) to run to the bathroom. But in the barrios the nearest bathroom is simply behind your house. You go outside, do your business and then cover it up with sand. You don't have to be in the medical field to know that that's not sanitary- that that's how diseases are spread.
In some barrios though, there is an actual toilet. usually just one though, for the whole community to share. But even that one toilet is a rare commodity. And what happens when you have bad diarrhea in the middle of the night? These are the living conditions in the barrios. But it gets worse. Would you believe it if I told you that the barrios were a step up from the way that many people live here?
We were leaving one of the barrios where we had put in a type of septic system for the only toilet there. Jaime wanted to show us the garbage dumps. We drove around for awhile looking at various dumps with heaps and heaps of trash. People just dumped wherever, they just threw their trash wherever they saw fit. At first I was really frustrated. Why do people just throw their trash wherever they want to? Why isn't somebody doing something about the massive piles and piles of garbage? These people could live much better lives, with less sickness and disease if they weren't dumping their trash next to their homes.
Those were all the thoughts going through my head at first. But then... I began to realize that without the dumps a lot of people would die. People scrounge for food through all of that trash. And some people will collect different things to hopefully sell for a small amount of money. I even noticed that some people live in the garbage dumps. Can you imagine living in garbage? Having your children born and raised in a dump? Allowing them to romp through it, not just to play, but to survive? This is their way of life. These people are doing just that. When a new load of trash comes in, people fight each other for it.
Now if that doesn't make you want to weep, I do'nt know what would. I don't know what to make of this. I don't know how to wrap my mind around it. I don't want to become desensitized to it all. Yet how do I have compassion without my heard breaking to pieces? But something has to be done. This was never God's intention. And as much as it breaks my heart to see it, I know it hurts God so much more. Those are his children suffering and pilfering through trash in order to survive. Something has to change. What can possibly be done? Who can help them? Compassion is one thing, but compassion with action is only pity. And pity gets us nowhere.

I see them playing among the broken glass
And searching for food in the piles of trash
Their clothes are tattered and they're covered in sand
A baby among them, to young to even stand
Dirt covered faces and lice infested hair
They scour the trash piles with feet that are bare
They wrestle each other for a black piece of bread
The obvious winner decides to share it instead
One by one they grab a tiny piece
Their eyes light up as if it's a giant feast
Some eat it quickly out of excitement or fear
But some save it for later, it needs to be shared
These children are young, no older than five
Born into these dumps with a need to survive
Too poor for education, no hope for success
This cycle of poverty is a never ending process
From generation to generation the same families exist
Is it only to toil and suffer and perish?

Something that blows my mind about all of this is that the majority of the people in the city have never been to the barrios. They are oblivious to the way these people live... and they only live a few miles apart. It makes you wonder, what's right around the corner from where I live that I am completely oblivious to?

Unredeemed

I saw the lyrics for this song by Selah, and everything just seemed to fall into place. It all just made a little more sense, became a little bit clearer. We all go through painful times in our lives, and everything affects everyone differently. But it doesn't mean the pain isn't the same.
Healing is such a slow process, slower than we would like it to be. But it's in that process that God will ultimately make us stronger. It's through the healing process that we are then able to reach out to those around us, who may also be struggling.

Selah: Unredeemed

The cruelest world
The coldest heart
The deepest wound
The endless dark
The lonely ache
The burning tears
The bitter nights
The wasted years

Life breaks and falls apart
But we know these are
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

For every choice that led to shame
And all the love that never came
For every vow that someone broke
And every lie that gave up hope
We live in the shadow of the fall
But the cross says these are all
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But when anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing
It may be unfulfilled
It may be unrestored
But you never know the miracle the Father has in store
Just watch and see
It will not be
Just watch and see
It will not be unredeemed

Burning Bush

I've always thought that Moses had it easy. Because of the burning bush experience, he knew exactly what he was called to do. I've longed for my own burning bush time and time again. If God would just give me a sign then I would know what He wants of me and I would do it!

Why can't I get a Burning Bush like Moses? And then I read the story again. This time I understood it a little differently. The burning bush wasn't a sign for Moses so he would know what God wanted him to do. The burning bush was nothing more than an attention getter- so Moses would stop long enough to listen to what God had been telling him for so long.

God had been tugging at the heart of Moses for many many years. But Moses was running- he was scared. When Moses came across the burning bush he stopped and opened his heart to God. It was then that He was able to hear what God had been saying all along.

I don't want a burning bush. After understanding the implications of one, I'd rather not have one. My desire is that my heart is always open to God. I long to hear His words, to know His heart and His desire for my life.

I don't want to run away from Him, I don't want Him to have to catch my attention with a burning bush, or a mission trip to South America, or anything else. I simply want to listen to Him and know where He is directing me.

On a completely unrelated note.... Here are some pictures for those of you who want to see my face again :)

Breakfast with the ladies- after a Baptism in the Ocean!

Going out to sea..

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Hanging out with the... birds?

Time wounds all heals

It's only been a week and already so much has happened. Not necessarily with what I've been doing here, but with what has been going on inside of me.
After getting here and settling down, I realized that part of the reason I came here was simply to run away from the things that were making me sad and causing me such pain. Don't get me wrong, I also came because this is my passion. Afterall, I did go to school for this. I just know that God had his hand in this in more ways then I could have ever imagined.
I'm going to share a bit of my story because I believe that honesty and openness brings healing. And I no longer want to wear a mask that covers my feelings and all of my emotions. God created us to be emotional beings and he created us to be in community. So I'm going to share my feelings with this small community of people who may be reading this.

I left Africa feeling hurt and confused and very angry. I knew that coming back was the right thing to do, but it was still frustrating to me. I finished up my internship at a homeless shelter, but it's not what I wanted at all. From the beginning I had a bad attitude about it and I let that ruin the whole experience.
But instead of dealing with the issues that were actually bothering me- like the lady at the Mission tried to get me to do- I simply kept it all in and became pretty bitter and more upset. I thought maybe time would heal the wounds I had. But after awhile I just felt so unhappy. Leaving Africa, interning at a place I didn't enjoy, and finishing school without figuring out what I really wanted to do with my life... it all just really got to me. But more than that I was really struggling with trying to piece together my broken heart. I felt like nothing would ever be the same again.
I didn't want anyone to know that I really wasn't okay. So I just put on my "everything's perfect" mask. Only my pillow knew how I truly felt as I often cried myself to sleep, stifling my sob so no one else would hear. I am sure that some people knew that I wasn't really okay- at least those closest to me. But still I was pretending. I think mostly I was trying to trick myself into thinking I was fine.
I just felt like I needed to get away. Or, more accurately, I wanted to run away. I thought that if maybe I was someplace else, busy doing other things, that I wouldn't think about it and all would be great. Boy was I wrong! I really like how God sometimes lets us run with our ideas only to have it be the opposite of what we expected. God is so awesome because he knows exactly what we need and he'll even use our clumsy and misguided plans to teach us.

So, I came to Peru thinking I was escaping things back home, only to find that God had other plans. Now, instead of being busy and forgetting all my worries, I've had so much downtime and so much time to simply think.
Plus, I'm in another culture all by myself. Which can make it a little bit lonely at times. So there... it was just me and my thoughts/feelings alone with God.
How funny You are Lord!
This week has been really painful as I've faced all the things I've run from for so long. But it has also been good because this is exactly what I have needed. I've really been praying and reading God's word and simply listening. It's a slow process, but I'm so thankful for it. I came running away, but ultimately God's purpose was for healing.

Final Destination

Well I finally made it last night. I wasn't sure if I would ever get here. It seemed like it took nearly forever. That long layover in Miami was just ridiculous. But somehow I managed through all the different airports.
The host family that I am staying with is just awesome. They are easy to talk to and make me feel so comfortable. I'm so grateful that they have opened up their home to me. They actually just moved here from Arizona about five months ago. The funny thing is that they were on one of the short term trips that I helped organize here three years ago. They came back the next two years also and decided that they wanted to be missionaries. Everything just sort of fell into place and here they are.
I can hear them downstairs right now learning the language. Every morning their Spanish teacher comes over and they study for several hours a day. I think I may have to join them later.

I am so blessed because I have access to the internet and also a free phone. Yes, that's right... FREE! That means anyone can call me if they would like. It's an Arizona number, so if you call from your cell it will be free, but if you call from a home phone it will be like calling to Arizona. But who has landlines anymore, right? Here is the number: 623-444-2964
If someone else answers (which I'm sure they will because I'm not about to answer someone else's phone. How awkward would that be?) then just ask for me.

Well, I am about to leave now. I am going to the barrio with Danell this morning. Just jumping right in. Just what I love!!

Thank you for your prayers!

Sarah