Does it ever get easier?

The past few weeks I have found that I’ve been pretty sad. Just a general feeling of being “bummed out”. I couldn’t really pinpoint it, but I knew that I wasn’t myself. And one evening as I was washing the dishes with tears brimming in my eyes I looked around at my half-packed kitchen and pink and purple streamers still hanging from Jaelyn’s 3^rd birthday and I just sighed.

Yep, it was that time again. The time when we pack up our belongings and say goodbye to another home with fond memories. A home where we brought our 3^rd baby after her traumatic entrance into this world, a home where Pax became a big brother, where the kids had their first swimming pool and Phil had to mow the lawn. A home. One of many. But one with memories of beginnings, of new things and fond moments.

It’s a home that we are leaving. Another place to say goodbye to.

It was this moment that made me sigh because I realized why I had been feeling so bummed out. This is hard. Really really hard. I thought it would get easier. I hoped that it would not always be difficult. But packing up and saying goodbye just never gets easier.

Leaving family and friends and amazing relationships with loved ones never gets easier.

I’ve gotten better at packing. I’ve learned to pack the things we aren’t using daily first. I’ve figured out to pack things room by room, to label the boxes specifically. I learned to start packing a few months before the big move and to get rid of things you haven’t used in awhile or don’t want anymore. I’ve started leaving out 2 weeks’ worth of clothes for each person, so that I can pack up all the clothes (which makes it a lot easier when washing and sorting!), and I’ve gotten really good at only leaving out one bowl, plate, cup and silver ware for each person so that everything else can be packed. I’ve also  gotten really good at sorting what is going into storage and what is continuing this journey with us. After our many many many moves, I’ve got the whole packing thing down.

But that doesn’t matter. I wish I wasn’t good at packing. I wish I didn’t know what it was like to have to move away again. I wish I didn’t know what it was like to say goodbye to people that I just want to spend my life living with and growing with together.

So no, it doesn’t get easier. It’s been really great living in this area for these past several months and rekindling relationships and spending time with family. And now we get to leave them all again.

Granted, this is the life we said Yes to when we heard God’s call on our lives. This is the life we love as we get to travel and meet new people and share the Gospel with those that have not yet heard. This is the life we believe will benefit our kids as they are able to see firsthand the needs in this world and how God is leading them to help. This is our life. We love it. We really do. But sometimes it’s hard. This part of it is just really hard.